The many faces of grief

Just when I thought I was getting my life back on track; fate, the universe or God decided otherwise!

“Young one, you will be challenged and there will be no running away from it this time”- must they have said.

My father has passed away. The man who never got sick except for a flu every 2 years; he was never the kind to be ill. His morning routine- waking the house up to the sound of his guitar, he would eat his breakfast and then would eventually leave the house for a 2-hours walk!

I would never have imagined that on this Monday morning when he would go to the hospital he would never come back home. I still don’t have the words to describe all the thoughts when went through my mind and heart during what would be the next 3 weeks.

Shock, denial, anger, incomprehension, hope, despair, love, fear and eventually acceptance.

I am going through the 5 stages of grief simultaneously within one same day every day for the past 12 days! I am still on my emotional rollercoaster. Only now I have found peace- for I know he is not suffering anymore. However, if I were to be honest, these days I’ve befriended with anger!

She is always next to me reminding me that what happened is unfair; I’m angry that my father left us and I’m angry at every person who tells me to be strong.

But then again, I know that life isn’t fair- life is life! It happens, and we grow, we break and grow again through it; it is an infinite loop of growth throughout our journey on earth.

Likewise, the anger I feel because my father has left us is another facet of love. The one where I don’t agree that he is no more because I still need him. I still want him to be here, I have all those moments of my life which I would have wished to share with him as they would occur. This will be my forever I LOVE YOU cry…

And to all those who tell me I must be strong; I just want to face punch you every time I hear those words out of your mouths. I know that you mean well, and you want to show your support but every time I hear those words, it puts a stop to my grieving process. Simply because now isn’t time to be strong, now is the time to feel…. SADNESS, LOVE and LOSS. Strength is also there but it is not the most important aspect of grief at this point! Same goes for happiness, I haven’t stopped being happy because I lost my father. If anything, I am happy for having had him as my father, I am happy for everything that he taught me, I am happy for everything that he was and will always be, forever in my heart and in the hearts of those he touched. But right now, these feelings are secondary.

So for anyone reading this post, when you experience grief, honour your feelings and if you want to give some kind words of support to a grieving person. Tell them that you love them, Tell them you can’t imagine what it must be like and should they want to speak up you will be there for them, Tell them if they need someone to talk to at 2 am and cry their heart out, you will be that person to them but I urge you, do not tell them to be strong. Because despite all that is happening around them, they know that they have no other choice than to be strong as from now on….